This blog is from my own knowledge of failed marriages. I know some of you are wondering why am I writing about failing marriages when I'm only 19 and haven't been married. I have watched my parents marriage fail, two times. My mom and dad divorced when I was young, which had me and my sister watch the whole thing fall to crumbles. The more they tried to hide their was problems in their relationship, the more it was noticeable. I strongly believe that children have something to do with why marriages fail. When you're married and you have different beliefs on how to raise children, it affects your love for each other. For instance, if one believes in spanking, time outs and yelling at children, and the other one doesn't there is more reason to fight, and argue about how to raise your children.
My father was married a second time after the divorce, and I watched my step mom let her kids walk all over her and this mad my dad furious. While I was the same age as my step brother at the time, I was more mature considering my dad did believe in yelling at me, and telling me when I did things wrong. My step brothers has chores, and when they did not do them, my dad's wife at the time, never yelled at them when this happened. All the chores ended up being something my father had to do! While the kids went off and played and never listened to their mother, I on the other hand did everything I was told to do because I have the utmost respect for my father. When kids and parents aren't on the same page, and there is a step father/mother in the situation it can affect a marriage completely.
My dad and his ex wife, got divorced because there was plenty wrong with their relationship, which had to do with communication and the fact that his ex, never let her children have responsibilities. My mom and dad's divorce had a lot to do with me and my sister as well. My mom and dad had different views on us when it came to sports and school.
This just had something to do with what I've witnessed over and over again, but at the end of the day marriages all come down to learning and communication with another.
This is true...this was why my relationship with my son's father did not work. We had different priorities. At the end of the day, I was right. We have now been seperated for almost 8 years and he is still doing the same thing now that he was doing then. He didn't realize that when you have a child you have to put the partying and hanging out to the side. You dont have to give up your life completely but you do have to prioritize and put your kids first. I never had a another child, and I don't plan on it. I love my son but I am fully aware of the responsibility that comes with it and once was good enough for me. I do feel that there has to be some kind of alternative to leaving the relationship. Counseling? Therapy? Solo and couples maybe.
ReplyDeleteI think this was the "companion" piece to the most recent post in which I wanted to see some explanations/discussion regarding why you're writing on this topic. But the whole post seems bigger than "children affect relationships"--which of course you are right.
ReplyDeleteIn your first paragraph here, I think you have two different topics going on at once: the children angle, and then the "hiding" angle. Maybe separate those out a bit more. And elaborate, too: in paragraph 2, you could discuss how your mom and dad had different views about sports and school. Was that enough to break the marriage? What was the real single cause? Do you think it was communication? If so, then let's see some research on that throughout the next few weeks of posting.