I opened up my browser today and saw that MSN had an article on compromises couples make to keep one another happy, and also the relationship healthy.
There was seven different ones that actually make perfect sense on why this would make a relationship, or even a marriage stronger then before.
1. Time together vs. time apart.
We all have family and friends that are very important to us, but just because you are in a relationship/marriage you should not ignore them!! I understand most people want to be with their spouse majority of the time, but being away from each other is ideal when it comes to a healthy relationship. I am a very clingy person, but ever since I have started to make plans with my girlfriends, and not always be with my boyfriend we have so much more to talk about! I never realized actually being apart from your spouse is a great thing, and can build your relationship 20x better.
2. Decorating styles
Not all the time do men and women agree when it comes to decorating. Men don't necessarily care which leaves it all up to the women. Men really don't understand that women like the opinion of their man! When it comes to decorating the home you two share, its most best to make sure both of you like the furniture/paint and so on.
3. Tolerance for clutter
Some people are messy, and some a very neat and clean. If your with someone who isn't the way you are it gets pretty annoying. I am a clean person, and I hate when my boyfriend leaves his stuff everywhere so I always have to talk to him about it gets to be to much sometimes. At the end of the day he agreed to try to keep his stuff off the floor, and neat! Which is really all it takes, sometimes I catch him slip up but for the most part he is doing a good job. All that really needs to be done it communication between the two on what you want and expect when your sharing a home together.
4. Sleep styles
This surprised me! 30% of married people sleep in separate bedrooms because they can't come to an agreement on how they would like the room to be while they slept. Some want it pitch black, some may want a night light. Regardless there is always a way to come up with a solution even if it has to do with sleeping in different rooms.
5. Sex life
Make sure there is a balance between both of you to make sure you are both satisfied with your sex life. Maybe one partner wants to do it every night while another only wants to do it every once in a while. Some where in between you can come up with a solution, just TALK about it!!
6. Vacation styles
I know there are plenty of people who do not like to do nothing on vacation, while some do. A lot of people love to adventure out and do fun things on vacation, if you are one of those people and your spouse isn't don't worry there isn't a problem! Just try to spilt the vacation in half so both of you can enjoy your vacation the way you want. I would suggest two separate vacations without each other but that is something I would never want to do, but if that's something you want to do go ahead! There is plenty of ways around the fact that both of you might not like to do the same thing, talk and plan it out!
7. Parenting Styles
I posted a blog about this previously. Two people have different ways of parenting, and that is something that needs to be discussed before having children. If you already have children then you need to really sit down and make sure both of you are doing the right thing, and not making one person seem like the bad guy.
I believe all of these things are a way to save & ways that a marriage can fail. It really is just all up to the couple and the way they handle certain situations.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Communication
As I have stated plenty of time in my pervious post, Communication is a HUGE necessity in having a marriage succeed. When a couple does not communicate properly they do not move forward in their relationship, which is what being in a marriage is all about. When two people marry, they are suppose to build each other up to make sure they both move on in life, but with one another by their side at all times. Communication makes this possible! Not communicating with each other just puts the whole marriage on hold, sometimes makes things go backwards.
Communicating with each other, gives you understanding, which makes things a lot easier. When someone feels that their are not being understood, then they stop communicating. I strongly believe that is why people stop communicating, because someone else does not understand what they are saying. Sometimes people don't communicate properly so it makes certain people feel the need to stop talking, and expressing their feelings and so forth. For instance, when my boyfriend, father, or anyone does not understand what I am trying to say, I give up and just leave it alone. When people don't understand what I'm saying it makes me feel angry! I know others feel the exact same way. This is something that couples need to work on, being understand of their significant other.
Non-communication in a marriage can also affect the intimacy part of the relationship. Everybody knows that intimacy has a big role in a marriage, and when that goes down hill, so does the marriage. When a couple communicates, they communicate about when they want to touch, and when no too, if there is so understanding between the two, then there is a serious problem.
Making time to communicate, or too understand your significant other can fix this problem ASAP!
http://www.theravive.com/services/communication-marriage.htm
http://www.ehow.com/way_5763083_can-lack-communication-affect-marriage_.html
Communicating with each other, gives you understanding, which makes things a lot easier. When someone feels that their are not being understood, then they stop communicating. I strongly believe that is why people stop communicating, because someone else does not understand what they are saying. Sometimes people don't communicate properly so it makes certain people feel the need to stop talking, and expressing their feelings and so forth. For instance, when my boyfriend, father, or anyone does not understand what I am trying to say, I give up and just leave it alone. When people don't understand what I'm saying it makes me feel angry! I know others feel the exact same way. This is something that couples need to work on, being understand of their significant other.
Non-communication in a marriage can also affect the intimacy part of the relationship. Everybody knows that intimacy has a big role in a marriage, and when that goes down hill, so does the marriage. When a couple communicates, they communicate about when they want to touch, and when no too, if there is so understanding between the two, then there is a serious problem.
Making time to communicate, or too understand your significant other can fix this problem ASAP!
http://www.theravive.com/services/communication-marriage.htm
http://www.ehow.com/way_5763083_can-lack-communication-affect-marriage_.html
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Not Happy
Plenty of marriages fail because there is someone who is not happy.
Marriages don't have to be boring, but when you are in the same routine over, and over, and over again it does get boring. This is why some people are unhappy, there is no excitement in their marriage. Even the happiest couples are really hiding the fact that they are a little unhappy with how their marriage turned out. Sometimes being in a routine, and never doing anything new can seriously affect someone's outlook on marriage.
The way to solve this is too bring up the fact that your unhappy! Once again communication!
Talking to your spouse about being unhappy can change the situation in so many ways. When you admit to not being happy, it could hurt your partner but you need to make sure YOU are okay as well
Another way to solve this issue is to recognize that you are in a boring routine, and figure out ways to solve it. Go on a vacation, or travel the world together. Let the kids go ahead and stay with the grandparents and have a stayacation in the living room! There is so many ways to make your partner happy again, and it all comes down too communicating your unhappy.
I understand a lot of marriages do come to an end because they aren't happy anymore, but there is so many ways to fix that problem. It really is not that hard to realize that you can change your marriage by working things out and trying to keep finding out ways to love your partner, and also your marriage. If you don't love your marriage, who will?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2012411/Not-bad-leave-good-fulfil--YOU-trapped-half-happy-marriage.html
Marriages don't have to be boring, but when you are in the same routine over, and over, and over again it does get boring. This is why some people are unhappy, there is no excitement in their marriage. Even the happiest couples are really hiding the fact that they are a little unhappy with how their marriage turned out. Sometimes being in a routine, and never doing anything new can seriously affect someone's outlook on marriage.
The way to solve this is too bring up the fact that your unhappy! Once again communication!
Talking to your spouse about being unhappy can change the situation in so many ways. When you admit to not being happy, it could hurt your partner but you need to make sure YOU are okay as well
Another way to solve this issue is to recognize that you are in a boring routine, and figure out ways to solve it. Go on a vacation, or travel the world together. Let the kids go ahead and stay with the grandparents and have a stayacation in the living room! There is so many ways to make your partner happy again, and it all comes down too communicating your unhappy.
I understand a lot of marriages do come to an end because they aren't happy anymore, but there is so many ways to fix that problem. It really is not that hard to realize that you can change your marriage by working things out and trying to keep finding out ways to love your partner, and also your marriage. If you don't love your marriage, who will?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2012411/Not-bad-leave-good-fulfil--YOU-trapped-half-happy-marriage.html
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Saving Marriages
Considering my blog is on "Why marriages fail" a lot of the comments are asking ways to save a marriage instead of just letting it fall apart. I found plenty of reasons, actually more reasons then why a marriage fails.
Marriage counseling is obviously one of the steps you can take to try to make things work, but not every marriage needs BOTH parties too attend counseling. Any side of the relationship should be able to admit that they might need help in the relationship and it could possibility make things easier if you just tell the truth and try to get the help that you need.
This way of trying to save a marriage is my favorite actually. It's " never stop trying to find reasons why you love your spouse. Don't try to keep finding bad things, always find good things"
THIS, makes me believe that people do NOT need to get divorced! See when a marriage starts to fall the tiniest bit apart, the two parties bicker about everything, and keep finding things they do not like about their spouse, instead of trying to find new things that can make them fall in love even more!! The were reasons why there was a marriage, never stop trying to find new ways to love your man/woman! Even though sometimes they can really get on your nerves!
DO NOT bring your family and your friends into your marriage! THIS MAKES THINGS WORSE! The more you tell other people, the more other people tell other people and it ends up coming back to your spouse some how. The best thing to do, is communicate communicate communicate!!!!!!!! It is the very best thing to do in a marriage, and it can save your marriage completely and utterly out front! There is no better way to save a marriage then too keep things between you too, and never ever stop communicating!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/01/how-to-save-marriage_n_3444602.html
Marriage counseling is obviously one of the steps you can take to try to make things work, but not every marriage needs BOTH parties too attend counseling. Any side of the relationship should be able to admit that they might need help in the relationship and it could possibility make things easier if you just tell the truth and try to get the help that you need.
This way of trying to save a marriage is my favorite actually. It's " never stop trying to find reasons why you love your spouse. Don't try to keep finding bad things, always find good things"
THIS, makes me believe that people do NOT need to get divorced! See when a marriage starts to fall the tiniest bit apart, the two parties bicker about everything, and keep finding things they do not like about their spouse, instead of trying to find new things that can make them fall in love even more!! The were reasons why there was a marriage, never stop trying to find new ways to love your man/woman! Even though sometimes they can really get on your nerves!
DO NOT bring your family and your friends into your marriage! THIS MAKES THINGS WORSE! The more you tell other people, the more other people tell other people and it ends up coming back to your spouse some how. The best thing to do, is communicate communicate communicate!!!!!!!! It is the very best thing to do in a marriage, and it can save your marriage completely and utterly out front! There is no better way to save a marriage then too keep things between you too, and never ever stop communicating!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/01/how-to-save-marriage_n_3444602.html
Friday, September 20, 2013
Children affects relationships
This blog is from my own knowledge of failed marriages. I know some of you are wondering why am I writing about failing marriages when I'm only 19 and haven't been married. I have watched my parents marriage fail, two times. My mom and dad divorced when I was young, which had me and my sister watch the whole thing fall to crumbles. The more they tried to hide their was problems in their relationship, the more it was noticeable. I strongly believe that children have something to do with why marriages fail. When you're married and you have different beliefs on how to raise children, it affects your love for each other. For instance, if one believes in spanking, time outs and yelling at children, and the other one doesn't there is more reason to fight, and argue about how to raise your children.
My father was married a second time after the divorce, and I watched my step mom let her kids walk all over her and this mad my dad furious. While I was the same age as my step brother at the time, I was more mature considering my dad did believe in yelling at me, and telling me when I did things wrong. My step brothers has chores, and when they did not do them, my dad's wife at the time, never yelled at them when this happened. All the chores ended up being something my father had to do! While the kids went off and played and never listened to their mother, I on the other hand did everything I was told to do because I have the utmost respect for my father. When kids and parents aren't on the same page, and there is a step father/mother in the situation it can affect a marriage completely.
My dad and his ex wife, got divorced because there was plenty wrong with their relationship, which had to do with communication and the fact that his ex, never let her children have responsibilities. My mom and dad's divorce had a lot to do with me and my sister as well. My mom and dad had different views on us when it came to sports and school.
This just had something to do with what I've witnessed over and over again, but at the end of the day marriages all come down to learning and communication with another.
My father was married a second time after the divorce, and I watched my step mom let her kids walk all over her and this mad my dad furious. While I was the same age as my step brother at the time, I was more mature considering my dad did believe in yelling at me, and telling me when I did things wrong. My step brothers has chores, and when they did not do them, my dad's wife at the time, never yelled at them when this happened. All the chores ended up being something my father had to do! While the kids went off and played and never listened to their mother, I on the other hand did everything I was told to do because I have the utmost respect for my father. When kids and parents aren't on the same page, and there is a step father/mother in the situation it can affect a marriage completely.
My dad and his ex wife, got divorced because there was plenty wrong with their relationship, which had to do with communication and the fact that his ex, never let her children have responsibilities. My mom and dad's divorce had a lot to do with me and my sister as well. My mom and dad had different views on us when it came to sports and school.
This just had something to do with what I've witnessed over and over again, but at the end of the day marriages all come down to learning and communication with another.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Insecurities
Okay, so every relationship either the male or female worries. This is not a good thing, but insecurities ruin a relationship. I have seen so many relationships fail because someone is worried they are being cheated on, or there is someone else in the picture. I have seen marriages fail because their significant other comes home from work late, and they believe they are being cheated on. YOU HAVE TO TRUST your partner, that is just how it works. I mean unless someone gave you a reason not to trust them, you need too! A marriage is suppose to be open and beautiful, not always worrying and arguing. I have witnessed plenty of marriages come to an end because the WOMEN are insecure about themselves, which is not suppose to happen! Your husband married you FOR A REASON! Just keep trying to remind yourself that you are married, not just in a simple relationship.
Reasons why this could ruin a marriage:
Men, and women HATE to be accused of anything. Whether its lying, or cheating. That argument is always the worst. I know this would tear my marriage apart, specially because there is no trust.
Women like to be reminded why they are important to you, or why you love them. So if a women does not feel like she is good enough for you and you do not remind her, she WILL keep being insecure and keep thinking there is someone else. When a women has her mind set on something, she will do anything to prove she is right, even tear apart her marriage.
Men do cheat, it's a known thing BUT so do women! Why can't anyone be faithful anymore, its terrible. I feel like if you are married, please be faithful to your significant other it makes things so much easier.
If you find yourself questioning anything about your marriage, you have to find out if you have always questioned it. Has there been anytime where you actually trusted your partner?
I never understood why couples can't talk when it comes to not trusting, or thinking their is someone else. I mean this all comes down to communication as well.
Reasons why this could ruin a marriage:
Men, and women HATE to be accused of anything. Whether its lying, or cheating. That argument is always the worst. I know this would tear my marriage apart, specially because there is no trust.
Women like to be reminded why they are important to you, or why you love them. So if a women does not feel like she is good enough for you and you do not remind her, she WILL keep being insecure and keep thinking there is someone else. When a women has her mind set on something, she will do anything to prove she is right, even tear apart her marriage.
Men do cheat, it's a known thing BUT so do women! Why can't anyone be faithful anymore, its terrible. I feel like if you are married, please be faithful to your significant other it makes things so much easier.
If you find yourself questioning anything about your marriage, you have to find out if you have always questioned it. Has there been anytime where you actually trusted your partner?
I never understood why couples can't talk when it comes to not trusting, or thinking their is someone else. I mean this all comes down to communication as well.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Growing Apart
One of the number one reasons why marriages fail. I have learned that a lot of marriages fall apart because people deicide to go their separate ways. It's so shocking to my opinion that people feel this way in marriage, but at the same time its understandable. Inside the inside of it all, everything boils down to the same situation, LACK OF COMMUNICATION this the reasons why people grow apart. It is not that hard to simply send out a text, or even a quick call to let your spouse know that you are either running late, or have other plans. Any couple that has been together for many years surely knows that they do not have to be together every night. Yet! At the same time, do not feel the need to try to reach out and tell them what's going on! This problem can easily be avoided. I have discovered that men and women look at communication as something totally different. Men feel their should be a clean purpose while talking, while women decide to go around so many different topics all at one time. I feel as if, men do not feel the need to communicate as much as women do. Men are the types to just kind of sit down relax, drink a beer and cool down from their day. While women WANT to speak about their day, e v e r y single aspect of their day, you know why? Because I LOVE to do it while I'm talking to my boyfriend, or even my dad for that matter. It's hard to save a marriage where only one person is communicating, or trying to make the effort to communicate with the other. Men and women never see eye to eye on anything, and I've learned that the hard way. If only married couples could learn how to communicate to keep from growing apart.
http://voices.yahoo.com/reasons-why-married-couples-grow-apart-successful-6859456.html
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/04/01/6-ways-men-and-women-communicate-differently/
Monday, September 2, 2013
Top 10 reasons
Here are the Top 10 reasons:
10. Growing apart
9. Insecurity
8. Not happy
7. Communication
6. Abuse
5. Financial issues
4. Trust
3. Rushing into marriage/marrying to young
2. Expectations
1. Time
No order, just the top 10
10. Growing apart
9. Insecurity
8. Not happy
7. Communication
6. Abuse
5. Financial issues
4. Trust
3. Rushing into marriage/marrying to young
2. Expectations
1. Time
No order, just the top 10
My own insight.
There are so many reasons why marriages fail, but here is my insight on it all, before I start my research.
I honestly believe that people would rather walk away from their problems instead of fixing them. I have seen so many interviews with couples that have been together 60+ years and my favorite answer of all time when asked how they managed to stay together for that long is; " We grew up in a time when something is broken you fix it, not just throw it away" And this right here is the relationship that everyone wants, but nobody is willing to try to make work. I have been in relationship after relationship where they talk about being together " for forever " and yet they still have the urge to cheat! This is mainly a reason why I decided to research this topic. I really would like to only be married once, unlike basically everyone in my family. My sister is actually the only person that has been married once, of course they had their ups and downs, but they FIXED it and didn't throw it away.
My insight is basically people just don't want to make things work, they would rather just leave it along. There is also many other reasons, depending on the situation of their marriage.
1. married too young
2. pregnancy so had to get married
Trust is a big thing for me, and when I get married I want to make sure I can trust my husband 100% many people can not say they trust someone as much as they think they do. There is always that one little doubt that makes you wonder. Are they really at work? Are they really out with their friends? That is a question that can always be in the back of your mind, but nobody ever says anything. I believe that trust, and communication are the main things needed for a healthy relationship.
I honestly wish marriages didn't end, but you know some people are more happy without their marriage just because of how bad it really could be. Some relationships need to end, and others just do not realize what they have till its gone.
I honestly believe that people would rather walk away from their problems instead of fixing them. I have seen so many interviews with couples that have been together 60+ years and my favorite answer of all time when asked how they managed to stay together for that long is; " We grew up in a time when something is broken you fix it, not just throw it away" And this right here is the relationship that everyone wants, but nobody is willing to try to make work. I have been in relationship after relationship where they talk about being together " for forever " and yet they still have the urge to cheat! This is mainly a reason why I decided to research this topic. I really would like to only be married once, unlike basically everyone in my family. My sister is actually the only person that has been married once, of course they had their ups and downs, but they FIXED it and didn't throw it away.
My insight is basically people just don't want to make things work, they would rather just leave it along. There is also many other reasons, depending on the situation of their marriage.
1. married too young
2. pregnancy so had to get married
Trust is a big thing for me, and when I get married I want to make sure I can trust my husband 100% many people can not say they trust someone as much as they think they do. There is always that one little doubt that makes you wonder. Are they really at work? Are they really out with their friends? That is a question that can always be in the back of your mind, but nobody ever says anything. I believe that trust, and communication are the main things needed for a healthy relationship.
I honestly wish marriages didn't end, but you know some people are more happy without their marriage just because of how bad it really could be. Some relationships need to end, and others just do not realize what they have till its gone.
Very first BLOG!
This is my very first blog!
I had a hard time trying to figure out what I should do this blog on, and then I thought about marriage. In my family marriage is not something that last, so I decided to go into detail and research why so many marriages come to an end.
To me marriage is not something that should end, its such a beautiful thing that everybody should be happy in. I can't wait to get married and I wish other people felt the same way.
So keep updated on why marriages come to an end!
I had a hard time trying to figure out what I should do this blog on, and then I thought about marriage. In my family marriage is not something that last, so I decided to go into detail and research why so many marriages come to an end.
To me marriage is not something that should end, its such a beautiful thing that everybody should be happy in. I can't wait to get married and I wish other people felt the same way.
So keep updated on why marriages come to an end!
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